Have you ever had one of those moments when you can't figure out why you are doing what you are doing, but you go along with it becuase you know God has a purpose behind it? And only after do you figure out what God was trying to tell you? Well, if that didn't make any sense, I'm about to share my God moment for the day ...
This morning was wonderful and mostly relaxing. Kayla(my friend and teammate from this summer in EA) stayed with me at my apartment last night after we got back late from our Lousisana road trip to see friends, so I was really excited she stayed with me ... hence the reason I woke up in such a great mood. Might I also add as a sidenote that the whole waking up thing didn't even happen until 10:00am, so that makes for a great day to top everything else off. Anyway, I started getting ready for the day and said goodbye to Kayla, but I still had about an hour until I had to be at work. I sat down on my bed with my Bible and prayer journal to just spend some quality time with God. After a little while, I proceeded to finish up some last minute things before I headed out the door, and I looked down at my hand to see the book, Every Thought Captive. I was really confused by this, because I didn't remember picking it up, and I definitely didn't have time to read any of it. So naturally, I set it back down only to find it back in my hand just a few minutes later. Apparently, I was subconciously picking it up, because God wanted me to read it. I didn't have time, but I knew that God must be trying to get my attention. So I sat down to read it, and lo and behold, it was a chapter on forgiveness.
I have really been struggling with forgiveness for a very long time over something that happened a really long time ago. Someone hurt me, and I saw it as my perrogative to hold on to that unforgiveness. Little did I know how much pain I was causing myself more than anything. God has been convicting me of this for a long time, but this summer, I knew God was telling me that I had to finally forgive and let go of the pain I was holding onto. God really got my attention this morning.
"What pain do you continue to carry with you? Whose name do you cringe to hear, simply because the wound he or she inflicted on you was so deep that you feel unable to forget? Which offense do you remember so vividly that you can taste the disappointment, anger, and anguish as if it just happened?"
"In this fallen world, people WILL disappoint us. People WILL injure us. It's not a question of if as much as when. And it's also a matter of in what way and how deeply. When someone wounds us, we have one of two options. We forgive, or we don't."
"Try as we may, we cannot shrug off or forget a true offense. We can allow minor infractions to roll off our backs, but genuine heartfelt injuries do not simply go away with time. We either mentally choose to forgive, or we hang on to the pain."
For such a long time, I have been choosing to hang on to the pain, but I can't do that to myself any longer. I am choosing to forgive. I am choosing to love. I am choosing to follow hard after God.
God is doing some big things in my heart and life. Many of these things are painful and even agonizing, but I know that the fire will only make me shine brighter. BTW ... I'm referring to the refiner's fire. If you haven't heard of the process of refining silver, you should check it out. http://www.clarion-call.org/extras/malachi.htm I feel like God has me directly in the fire, but as long as His image is reflected in my life in the end then it will be totally worth every second.
In regards to my "Lady in Waiting" journey that I have been sharing about, I have had some not so good days the past week, and I want to be transparent throughout this journey. I want to show the good and the bad, but I am waiting for God to inspire me with words to truly convey the struggles I am facing in His words not my own. Satan has been attacking me nonstop since I made this committment to walking more closely at my Savior's side. He is trying to sabotage everything God is doing in my life. I'm doing my best, but some days that just doesn't seem good enough. My heart is open to and waiting ...
Learning to love (and forgive),
Jenna
This morning was wonderful and mostly relaxing. Kayla(my friend and teammate from this summer in EA) stayed with me at my apartment last night after we got back late from our Lousisana road trip to see friends, so I was really excited she stayed with me ... hence the reason I woke up in such a great mood. Might I also add as a sidenote that the whole waking up thing didn't even happen until 10:00am, so that makes for a great day to top everything else off. Anyway, I started getting ready for the day and said goodbye to Kayla, but I still had about an hour until I had to be at work. I sat down on my bed with my Bible and prayer journal to just spend some quality time with God. After a little while, I proceeded to finish up some last minute things before I headed out the door, and I looked down at my hand to see the book, Every Thought Captive. I was really confused by this, because I didn't remember picking it up, and I definitely didn't have time to read any of it. So naturally, I set it back down only to find it back in my hand just a few minutes later. Apparently, I was subconciously picking it up, because God wanted me to read it. I didn't have time, but I knew that God must be trying to get my attention. So I sat down to read it, and lo and behold, it was a chapter on forgiveness.
I have really been struggling with forgiveness for a very long time over something that happened a really long time ago. Someone hurt me, and I saw it as my perrogative to hold on to that unforgiveness. Little did I know how much pain I was causing myself more than anything. God has been convicting me of this for a long time, but this summer, I knew God was telling me that I had to finally forgive and let go of the pain I was holding onto. God really got my attention this morning.
"What pain do you continue to carry with you? Whose name do you cringe to hear, simply because the wound he or she inflicted on you was so deep that you feel unable to forget? Which offense do you remember so vividly that you can taste the disappointment, anger, and anguish as if it just happened?"
"In this fallen world, people WILL disappoint us. People WILL injure us. It's not a question of if as much as when. And it's also a matter of in what way and how deeply. When someone wounds us, we have one of two options. We forgive, or we don't."
"Try as we may, we cannot shrug off or forget a true offense. We can allow minor infractions to roll off our backs, but genuine heartfelt injuries do not simply go away with time. We either mentally choose to forgive, or we hang on to the pain."
For such a long time, I have been choosing to hang on to the pain, but I can't do that to myself any longer. I am choosing to forgive. I am choosing to love. I am choosing to follow hard after God.
God is doing some big things in my heart and life. Many of these things are painful and even agonizing, but I know that the fire will only make me shine brighter. BTW ... I'm referring to the refiner's fire. If you haven't heard of the process of refining silver, you should check it out. http://www.clarion-call.org/extras/malachi.htm I feel like God has me directly in the fire, but as long as His image is reflected in my life in the end then it will be totally worth every second.
In regards to my "Lady in Waiting" journey that I have been sharing about, I have had some not so good days the past week, and I want to be transparent throughout this journey. I want to show the good and the bad, but I am waiting for God to inspire me with words to truly convey the struggles I am facing in His words not my own. Satan has been attacking me nonstop since I made this committment to walking more closely at my Savior's side. He is trying to sabotage everything God is doing in my life. I'm doing my best, but some days that just doesn't seem good enough. My heart is open to and waiting ...
Learning to love (and forgive),
Jenna