There was a time when I actually felt like I was pretty good at waiting. You see ... I had never been in any form of a relationship with a guy. Sure, I had crushes, but never had any one ever shown interest toward me.
I had no idea what it was like to have a boyfriend {but really ... I still don't}. I had no idea what it was like to feel special, beautiful, wanted, important {and really ... maybe I still don't}. I didn't know what I was missing. I had never met someone whom I thought I could see myself marrying. Waiting was bearable, because I just didn't know.
Side note soap box // {why do I always feel the need to give these?} Regardless of HOW {yes OR no} God answers my prayers for a husband and family, I'm still technically waiting for an answer. This waiting, in my opinion, is not the same as putting my life on hold just because I'm not married. I am waiting not stopping. Maybe I'll go into that in more detail in a future blog post.
Anyway, back to the waiting. It wasn't until I was twenty-four years old that I actually went on my first "date." And prior to this, I had genuinely convinced myself that I would never go on a date and never get married solely because it was apparent to me that no guy would ever want to go on a date with me or marry me. This is sounding pretty pitiful and that's not my intention. haha. ... moving on. All that to say, it's harder{still possible but harder} to miss/long for something you've never had. Waiting up to this point wasn't so bad.
It wasn't until my wait was interrupted by a boy that things started getting more complicated. I was in uncharted territory having feelings and thoughts that I had honestly never thought I would/could have.
I could see myself marrying this guy.
I have never felt this special in my entire life.
This guy has everything I wanted in a husband.
Is the wait over?
Is this it?
Has God given me a yes?
Hope had exploded and these thoughts and questions were only the tip of the iceberg for me. But sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you have to just let things go when they aren't working like they should be. Sometimes things get more and more complicated leaving you with the hardest decision of all to completely sever ties.
My wait was interrupted with hope. But hope then turned into disappointment. After feeling such hope, going back into my waiting place has been exceptionally challenging. {note//this is when the dwelling really starts to sabotage}
So the struggle is right here. There's no going back to my naivety from before. Now I have to reconfigure my entire view of this waiting place stuff.
Dealing with all of those feelings post-"crazy marriage thoughts" has been harder than I ever thought they would be. Truly they hit me at the strangest moments. Just last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and was suddenly hit with these crazy feelings. Trying to learn from my own blog post yesterday, I decided not to dwell on them. Instead I started reciting the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns.
Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning
New mercies I see
All I have needed
Thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness
Lord unto me
This. This truth. If I believe this like I say I do, it should reflect in my life. If God is faithful, He will never leave me or forsake me. If God is faithful, He will stand by His promises.
God is faithful. Even in this waiting place.
{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}
I had no idea what it was like to have a boyfriend {but really ... I still don't}. I had no idea what it was like to feel special, beautiful, wanted, important {and really ... maybe I still don't}. I didn't know what I was missing. I had never met someone whom I thought I could see myself marrying. Waiting was bearable, because I just didn't know.
Side note soap box // {why do I always feel the need to give these?} Regardless of HOW {yes OR no} God answers my prayers for a husband and family, I'm still technically waiting for an answer. This waiting, in my opinion, is not the same as putting my life on hold just because I'm not married. I am waiting not stopping. Maybe I'll go into that in more detail in a future blog post.
Anyway, back to the waiting. It wasn't until I was twenty-four years old that I actually went on my first "date." And prior to this, I had genuinely convinced myself that I would never go on a date and never get married solely because it was apparent to me that no guy would ever want to go on a date with me or marry me. This is sounding pretty pitiful and that's not my intention. haha. ... moving on. All that to say, it's harder{still possible but harder} to miss/long for something you've never had. Waiting up to this point wasn't so bad.
It wasn't until my wait was interrupted by a boy that things started getting more complicated. I was in uncharted territory having feelings and thoughts that I had honestly never thought I would/could have.
I could see myself marrying this guy.
I have never felt this special in my entire life.
This guy has everything I wanted in a husband.
Is the wait over?
Is this it?
Has God given me a yes?
Hope had exploded and these thoughts and questions were only the tip of the iceberg for me. But sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you have to just let things go when they aren't working like they should be. Sometimes things get more and more complicated leaving you with the hardest decision of all to completely sever ties.
My wait was interrupted with hope. But hope then turned into disappointment. After feeling such hope, going back into my waiting place has been exceptionally challenging. {note//this is when the dwelling really starts to sabotage}
So the struggle is right here. There's no going back to my naivety from before. Now I have to reconfigure my entire view of this waiting place stuff.
Dealing with all of those feelings post-"crazy marriage thoughts" has been harder than I ever thought they would be. Truly they hit me at the strangest moments. Just last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and was suddenly hit with these crazy feelings. Trying to learn from my own blog post yesterday, I decided not to dwell on them. Instead I started reciting the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns.
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning
New mercies I see
All I have needed
Thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness
Lord unto me
This. This truth. If I believe this like I say I do, it should reflect in my life. If God is faithful, He will never leave me or forsake me. If God is faithful, He will stand by His promises.
God is faithful. Even in this waiting place.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
{This blog post is a part of a series called Redeeming the Waiting Place for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you're interested, the Write31Days challenge is being taken by hundreds and hundreds of other wonderful bloggers which you can read more of right here. My personal favorite is browsing all the inspirational and Godly women who are blogging under the Inspiration & Faith tab which you can check out as well right here.}