In case anyone was wondering, I am still here, and I am also still okay. Everything has changed, and yet, at the same time, nothing has changed.
I’ve been quiet here for quite some time for a multitude of reasons. None of which involve a lack of God’s work or presence in my life. Actually quite the opposite.
I have witnessed the miraculous hand of God more in the last couple years than possibly the sum of my entire life before that.
He has answered countless prayers. He has moved mountains on my behalf. He has laid opportunities into my lap. He has guided my steps. He has provided me wisdom and peace through major decisions. He has also pruned my life of some bad habits. He has convicted me of my complacency. He has challenged me on my preoccupation with earthly things. He has given. And He has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
I believe to my very core that God’s plans for me are good. Maybe believe isn’t the right word — I feel like it implies that it’s only true for me because I believe it. I know without a doubt that God’s plans for me are good. I know that at the end of the day, God will use whatever trial, pain, difficulty for His glory. And His glory is what I am after.
My future is still uncertain. I still feel the weight of questioning, wondering, and waiting for the unfolding of events. There are moments that I do not handle it well. And then there are moments when God envelops me in an other-worldly peace that sustains me.
It has been no secret that I have struggled with certain areas of my life — specifically in unfulfilled desires. Yes, I mean, my singleness. I recently wondered if God had given me a choice at 16 years old — would I have chosen this path or chosen to be married early and had the so-called normal life? I would like to think that I would have chosen the life I have now. It has been filled with so many wonderful people, experiences, and even challenges. I would not trade any of those things now.
So as I consider how God has used my unconventional — and even unwanted at times — life, I rest assured knowing that He will do the same — every day — moving forward.
All of those desires are still there and take up plenty of head space on a daily basis, but when they start to overwhelm me, I come back to this. I reorient my mind, heart, and soul to the truth — to Jesus. I know I can trust Him. I know He will not fail me. I know that He is good, kind, and faithful no matter my circumstances.
I have never fully understood why the Lord leads me to share these things, because I know it is kind of weird. But my hope is that whoever finds their way to these words will turn their heart to the only one who can heal it.
🖤Jenna